I stood by the counter waiting for the fair skinned sales agent to slide my fried rice into the microwave. Cold food are meant for dogs and I didn’t belong to that family. So why would I eat that? I slided through my phone to see the latest update on LMB. The aroma in there was paying hide and seek with the tiny hairs in my nostril.
My little nephew would say, “This place smells Mr Biggs! Mr Biggs!”
A dude and his chic were playing a love scene right beside me while waiting to order for their meal. If I was a stage play director, I would have flung them out of the eatery for wasting the love scene skills in a non-vintage setting. The plasma TV opposite me was playing “Love yourself” by Justin Bieber, I tapped my slender fingers on the counter to the rhythm of the song.
I looked across and saw a lady advance towards the counter. Her skin was what the holy book would describe as ‘without blemish’. Her blue denim jeans hugged her wide hips as she swayed it. Her gladiator sun glasses complemented her rainbow arc eye brows. Her lips were luscious red.
“Flaunt what your maama gave ya!”, it was all I felt like shouting. If the only word to qualify her was gorgeous then the scholars who update the oxford dictionary need to take a trip back to kindergarten. The guy on white brocade who had been munching on a chicken lap drooled as he gazed at her. His slippery drooling saliva sketching a work of art on the touch-screen of his mobile phone.
Mr Romeo took two steps away from his Juliet. All the bearded creatures gaped at her like vampires who had seen a supply of fresh blood.
She bent over the counter and gestured at one of the sales representative to come closer.
“Abeg! Roja me beta micro waved ice cream….. Ehen no vex! Add am cold dog….I no dey too like hot dog”, she ordered in thick Ibadan accent.
I was dazed. I turned around and the ‘vampire committee’ had dispersed. It seemed she noticed the dispersion.
“Woriz happening”, she asked.
I picked my packaged food. “You are happening”, I whispered and zapped.
Now the group of men who had wanted her dispersed simply because she shot a canon of incorrect sentences, forgetting that English speaking is not a measure of intelligence.
I must confess the sight was tempting but they never asked if the bling was real diamond. Sometimes that bling may just be a stainless steel can of liquid milk that had the privilege of receiving sunlight rays.
Let me teach you how to identify the right bling:
1.Ditch external appearance: I know you have been close pals with super cool appearance but if you want to find out the lustre of that person, place, job, relationship. Jilt focus on external appearance. Appearance is deceptive.
2.Sit on your human desires: Your human desires compels you to want things that may not even be the real deal. If your desires keep compelling you wrongly, bury its fat head under your sitting butt.