“Tunde, you will kill me today, you must kill me. It is only me that you can fight with; can you fight with your mates? Lazy man, good for nothing individual, drunkard…”continues sobbing”. Does this sound familiar? Looks like a lady has just be pummeled by her husband and she is retorting with her speech. Now let’s go back to the beginning.Tunde and bola met through a friend in a birthday birthday and their friendship struck off within three months, they did their introduction and got married a month after. Then the problem started six months into the marriage, daily arguments and beatings.”
Abusive relationship is a relationship in which unfair acts, improper acts are meted out to another to vent anger and suppress an opinion. There are two main types of abusive relationship: Physical abuse and emotional abuse. Now before we go on, I am of the opinion that it is not only the women that are abused daily, men are constantly abused albeit emotionally on a daily basis ,but it seems it’s the abuse on women that grazes the the media, probably because the volumes of abuse on women is greater than those one the men, but then maybe because a man will find it hard to come out to state he was beaten at home by his wife, am sure even his close friends will laugh at him. Emotional abuse is as dangerous as physical abuse and it stays longer and heals slower, so we have to be careful how we abuse our partners.
Reasons People stay in Abusive Relationship
- Lonelines: Individual stays in abusive relationship because they need companionship and they are afraid of staying alone. As much they do not enjoy been pummeled daily by their husband, most ladies in an abusive relationship feel it’s better beaten than been alone. What they refuse they know is that it’s only a living soul that will feel anything, and if they are not careful, they might meet their waterloo with an abusive man.
- Embarrassment: Both men and women stay in an abusive relationship because they feel embarrassed by what people will say especially if there has been a rejection of the said spouse by family and friends. They don’t want to hear ‘I told you so’ from people. They feel ashamed and want to hide their problems .what they fail to know is that everybody has made a wrong decision at least once in his life so there should be no shame, let’s say it as it is
- Religious and spiritual reasons: A lot of women stay in an abusive relationship because their religious denomination does not encourage divorce(for married folks).so in order not to offend their religious leaders or family they stay in the relationship hoping for a miracle from the said spouse to have a change of heart.
- Joblessness: People who rely on another individual to survive find it very hard to leave an abusive relationship. This happens when one spouse is financially dependent on another without any other means of earning. My advice is stop been a liability, get your lazy ass out and earn money.
Avoiding Abusive Relationship
- Detect early signs: An abusive partner always shows warning signs, the onus now lies on you to be careful and notice some little things that matters. Whenever a partner’s yell on you it shows he is low on patient, a habitual alcoholic may turn out to be an abusive. If a lady sasses you often, you are in for emotional abuse, when a lady cries at the slight hurt, be watchful for emotional blackmail. Notice the words of the mouth, and other informal signs.Dont be moved by the apologies after, it’s your life that is on line.
- Be independent: Individuals should learn to have a mean of earning income, this will reduce the dependence on their partner and it will reduce the financial power such individual have over you. Earn a degree, get a job, start with anything, no matter how low, and just don’t be jobless!!!
- Seek help: Men and women should seek for help form close friends and family member that they can confide in, they should not bottle up the suffering, a problem shared is a problem half solved. They can also seek professionals like counselors and psychologists.
Abuse relationship should not be condoned by any individual, we should all work together to eliminate this monster out of our society, don’t bottle up your emotions, don’t hide your scares, speak up, you only have one life to live, take heed!